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Day 28: The Four Tendencies

by Jan 28, 2021Challenges, HOAM Insights, Psychology0 comments

No life planner or daily planner is a “one size fits all.” People are too unique.

Different personalities and preferences mitigate against a standard “way” that “works” for everyone.

Because of that, lots of people reject outright the Hero On A Mission (HOAM) Life Planner and Daily Planner.

And they miss the benefits.

Here’s the complaint: “I’ve tried similar products and approaches before and it just doesn’t work for me.”

Maybe you can relate?

This is where the Four Tendencies, coined by Gretchen Rubin, come in handy.

What Is Your Tendency?

I utilize the Four Tendencies any time I present a HOAM Workshop.

Let me explain the Four Tendencies very quickly.

We all live with expectations placed upon us. Some of those expectations are external. They come from outside of ourselves (like a family member, boss, coach or friend).

Other expectations are internal. We place them upon ourselves. 

People will react to these two kinds of expectations in one of four ways (hence “The Four Tendencies”).

  • Some respond well to external expectations, but not internal. Rubin calls them Obligers.
  • Some respond well to internal expectations, but not external. These are dubbed Questioners.
  • Some respond equally well to both internal and external expectations. The Upholders.
  • Some do not respond well to internal or external expectations. This last group are called Rebels.

If you’d like to see which you are take the free quiz at

What’s this have to do with being a HOAM?

I thought you’d never ask!

Some of you will immediately push aside the concepts in HOAM. It’s like a knee jerk reaction to anything that feels forced upon you and may entrap you.

Solution: only use the parts of HOAM you want to use. The parts that contribute to freedom in your life.

Others will say, “I always start something like this really gung-ho. But by a couple weeks, a month at most, I’ve completely failed and feel terrible about myself.”

Solution: you MUST find an accountability partner. This is critical.

Some people question the validity of HOAM and its approach.

Solution: Only do the parts that do make sense to you. And experiment with the ideas that seem intriguing to you but hasn’t been proven yet. Keep what works for you.

Another group of people will love it exactly how it is laid out and easily begin using it in their lives. If that’s you, great!

Go ahead and just do it. No solution needed!

Which of the four groups of people are you most like?

It is OK to use the HOAM Life Plan and Daily Planner in a way that “works” for you.

And your life will be better for it!

Glen Stevens

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